Crab Gab

Mushy Gushy Moments

2009-02-18T14:07:00.000-08:00

There are few moments in life that make you feel as gross as when you go number two after a walk that has made you sweaty in your "no-no" area.

That's probably an overshare, but this is my blog. =)
Have a nice day!

Can I Buy Some CrackBerrys?

2009-02-16T13:21:00.000-08:00

They aren't kidding when they give it that name... I used to lovingly refer to my addiction as "BlackBerry Fever," but I might as well just refer to them as crack, and I can only see my addiction getting worse once this little bundle of awesomeness reaches me in the mail later this week.

It all started with Juana, a co-worker of McKai's, who sparked his thirst for a BlackBerry smart phone. I don't mean to make it sound like we had never thought of it before; this is a phone we've both been drooling over for a while. Once Juana told McKai that we could both get BlackBerry Pearls if I just renewed my contract, the race was on. Well, AT&T didn't renew, but we did find a great deal on a BlackBerry Curve on eBay. We quickly bought it, and will be buying McKai's very soon for a refurbished price. We bypassed the Pearls and went straight to "Big-Boy BlackBerrys."

I'm a geek... and an addict. What can I do?

All the Single Ladies...

2009-02-06T01:45:00.000-08:00

"A female is a female version of a hustler. Of a of a of a hustler of a of a hustler." - Beyonce

That's about all I have to say about that. Hate me if you will, but I'm a sucker for Beyonce's sweet vocal stylings. That woman could put the Constitution of the United States to some kick ass beats and vocal runs, and I would melt all over this country. I'd be so much more interested in them after that that it would be like the American was slapped back into me at lightning speed by the baby Jesus.

Note: There are other artists to whom I would hand out this compliment, but I was thinking of Beyonce right now because I'm about to get her Sasha Fierce album for free. Cha Ching!

Free fits my budget. I'm sure the sassy diva in my picture would agree. We are in a recession and all.

Long Beautiful Hair

2009-01-28T23:44:00.000-08:00

Today I thought about hair--a department in which I've been blessed. But I've always had this uncanny ability to notice when people have changed theirs. It isn't that I think this is some kind of a trait with which I was born; I just think I'm quite observant when it comes to hair. And you know that people love this. They always say things like, "You're like the only person that noticed my hair." Yeah, that person is me.

I love hair. I really am loving her hair ---->
Happy hair days.

No Crying on Mondays

2009-01-26T16:45:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you're so tired that things just happen? They happen without any explanation at all--almost as if by magic. Maybe it will be more clear after I explain:

I was drinking a cup of coffee this morning at work trying desperately to wake up. At one moment, I'm bringing the cup down toward my lap, the next moment there is coffee all over my pants and the floor. Why would I spill the coffee on myself deliberately? They were my favorite pants! That's the kind of morning I had.. Needless to say, a nap was in order.

Madame Gaston, Can't You Just See It?

2009-01-26T01:12:00.000-08:00

I finally cracked open the GRE study books tonight in hopes to finish my vocabulary flash cards. Did I manage to make a nice stack of flash cards? Yes. Did I even make a dent in the vocab list? No! I've even been skipping words that are familiar to me and words that I can remember quite easily, so this is just quite a process. The way I look at the situation is that if I have to take this test again in my near future, then I suppose it will be nice to have the flash cards already made out.

An interesting thing happened while I was studying, though. Have you realized the "high" language in Disney films? Well, I don't know if you would call the vocabulary list for the GRE high language, but then again, I suppose that is dependent on the individual. I was making out cards tonight, and I ran across a word that seemed quite new to me: boor. A boor is someone who is rude and inconsiderate (just in case some of you out there are also prepping for your GRE, but also to move along with my blog). Immediately, I realized that Belle sings this after Gaston insists she marry him. I believe she says to the chickens, before breaking out in song, "Can you believe him? That boorish, brainless." These words have been sitting right underneath my nose! Well, needless to say, I won't be forgetting boor on the GRE if it is presented to me. Or the word clandestinely (meaning to run away and hide something or one's self) because I realized it was in a song to the musical Wicked. Glinda sings it in the song "Popular" when she says she knows that Elphaba (Wicked Witch of the West) will embrace her popularity secretly. Now, if I could just attach all my words to pop culture icons...

But let's face it; do we really dislike Gaston that much? I sure like him better than the GRE. Sure, he needed an attitude adjustment, but when he ripped open his shirt in the pub to reveal all that magnificent hair on his chest, I knew I was in love with a cartoon. Oh well, smile and say, "Churl!" everyone.

More Bars in More Places

2009-01-24T13:34:00.000-08:00

This is the most amazing phone that I've ever owned... and I still want a new one. BAH!

Get Down with the Sickness

2009-01-24T03:08:00.000-08:00

Recently, my mother has been packing up the old mobile home she's been living in since my junior year of high school and she's moving to a real house. I'm very happy for her. It also must be quite relieving to get out of the trailer park after six years...

While she was packing, she found a little treasure from my childhood. My bag of Beanie Babies. When I think back on how obsessed I was with these things... well, it's almost enough to make one puke. I have around thirty to fifty. This was where all of my allowance money went for about two or three years of my life. I don't know if it was because they were so cute or because it was just the craze, but I had to have them. I even went to bed with the home shopping network on, so that I could go to bed dreaming about the ones they were selling that I didn't have.

See, here is the real problem unless you consider what I've said above to be the real problem. I always told myself that I was holding onto these little "bundles of joy" because they would be worth money someday. Guess what. They aren't. I looked on eBay to see how much these things are running for these days, and they are running for nothing... and getting no bids. What's a gay to do? I can't just send them to a thrift store because to me, I invested a lot of my earned money and childhood into these. Actually, I can just about tell you the story behind most every one that I own. If I give them to a thrift store, they may end up in the hands of kids that don't care about them and let them get *gasp* dirty. So, what did I do with them for the time being? I took them out of the bag and placed them nicely on a shelf in my closet. At least that is where they will live until I figure out what I'm going to do with them. I just can't part, and somewhere deep down, that kind of scares me. At least I didn't put them in the bed with McKai and me.

It is impossible for you to read what is written on that picture of Ty Warner, the creator. It says, "Some companies are in it for the quick buck--I want longevity." Well, it seems like his collection is pretty washed up to me. If Ty could give me all my quick bucks back, then I'd part with my little friends gladly. Except maybe the giraffe and the inchworm... and the skunk, pig, fox, beaver, and moose. Oh my God, I have a sickness.

Don't Drink the Tap Water

2009-01-23T00:15:00.000-08:00

First of all, I've fallen in love with a new show... big surprise. I swear this is why I shouldn't have a television. I'll fall in love with just about anything that is put in front of me on a TV. It's kind of sad, but that's my life. I'm an addict for anything mainstream and new. The show is MTV's America's Next Best Dance Crew. Secondly, I'm happy that I've fallen in love with this show because it's like as good as Dancing with the Stars, but it's ten times better than that! (Believe me on this one. I know your jaws are dropped at this point) It's people gettin' down all at the same time and I'm pretty sure it's the most amazing thing I've seen since Miley Cyrus had that dance off on youtube this past summer... or maybe those nudie pictures that surfaced of her.

So, as could be expected, I've selected my favorite crew. They are five cute-as-a-button kids from Alabama that clog/tap dance, and they call themselves Dynamic Edition. Seeing how the show is produced by Randy Jackson, you'd think that you'd be seeing something hip-hop or bad coreography set to hits by Journey, and for the most part you'd be correct, but these down south kids are damn near river dancing all over the fuckin' place, and it's the most incredible thing I've ever seen. I'm glad that judge JC Chavez (You know the guy from N'Sync that wasn't as cute as Justin but almost gave him a run for his money on vocals?) said, "This is the search for America's next best dance crew, not America's next best hip-hop dance crew." If you haven't seen them yet, allow me to show you a video:

Tap Tap Tappity Tap Tap Tap Enjoy!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pee because I did drink the tap water. That stuff goes right through you. It's science.

To Snooze or Not to Snooze

2009-01-21T08:03:00.000-08:00

Ah, not a question I suppose Hamlet would have been pondering to himself on the point of going mad... or was he mad? You know, I was never really able to keep up with that damn prince. Not to mention that his quiz was the only quiz on which I did not receive an A in Dr. Stacy's Shakespeare course, so I'm just kind of over Hamlet for.. like ever. Sorry, Hammy.

The infamous snooze button. The bane of my existence, but also the only thing I live for in the morning. Has anyone else noticed how much the snooze button makes you feel like God? For about a half hour every morning, I get to say, "FUCK YOU!" to time and go back to sleep for as long as I wish! It makes me want to have dreams about throwing lightning bolts down at the villagers. Oh, I love snooze. An alarm without snooze is not worth having. I set mine about a half hour to an hour ahead of the time I have to get up just to afford myself time to play this game, even if they say it cheats you out of "real sleep." Although, my real thoughts on sleep could take up another whole blog.

You know who really likes sleep? My kitty friend right there. Sleep on, my feline soul brotha, sleep on.

This Is the Age of Cancer?

2009-01-20T17:18:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: I'm a blogger drop out. I have never been able to successfully keep a blog going, yet I'm attracted to having one. The blog is like the blue light on the porch of the bayou, and I'm the unsuspecting mosquito that is attracted to it, but I quickly find out that I cannot keep up. That's the point when.. ZAP! Hopefully I'll be able to live in harmony flying around the blue light.

Has anyone ever thought about how awkward it is for Cancerians in the zodiac? I'll admit that I've always been very interested in the writing and theorizing about personality traits that are affiliated with our respective zodiac signs, and I soak it up like a sponge. But can you imagine a pride rally for fellow Cancerians? "Cancer is the best!" Something tells me that this wouldn't go over very well on a huge sign while individuals parade it down the street. And let's not even get into the celebrity uproar that would ensue after our luncheon across the street from St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital.

Also, aligned with a certain crustacean, we get to be the butt of many sexual jokes, as well. Much like our friend up above whom I'd like to refer to as Steve. Seems like Cancers have it made, huh? Although, I suppose when it comes down to it, we still have a sign that resembles a sideways 69, a number that we're all aware is quite a hit in the youth society of today. At the end of the day, I will admit that the personality quirks of us lucky few do resemble quite accurately a literal crab, so you have to hand it to someone. Once you push aside the awkwardness, it's a pretty cool way of being.

Hope you enjoy the gabbing.